Gonzo Book News!

Yup, stuff's been quiet in the Gonz blog world lately. That's cuz we've been putting together brand new product in the form of a couple o' Kindle e-books exclusively for Amazon.

The first of these is a total head-mash of a bizarro sexy splatterfest by the truly deranged Derek Kobold (his first book, an' all) - he sold the project to us with the tagline "If Jesse Franco snorted some coke and rewrote Frankenstein, it might read a bit like this. Um, if Jesse wrote books, that is." Well, he had us at 'Jesse Franco', kidz, so watch this freakin' space for more nooz of when that one has been finely-tuned an' published. It also sports a spankingly hot cover by the Gonzmeister Himself, which will have to be cruelly censored for Amazon's T&Cs (that's short for 'Terms & Conditions', so don't get excited). But we can show you the original full-on piece, right here, cuz we're like that:

Also in the pipeline is the first volume of our very own Crackerz! stripz, which collects everythin' published here to date but with some editing and tweakin', an' material which'll be exclusive to the e-book edition. An' with bigger, an' revised text too, so it'll actually be readable on one o' those new-fangled tablet gizmos. The Gonz is till workin' on the cover design so we can't show yez a preview yet, still not sure if it's gonna recycle existing art or be something nobody ain't ever seen before.

So stay around, cuz summer's lookin' hot in Gonzo land this year.

Ilsa Up Against the Wall

Followin' on from our earlier li'l Dyanne Thorne post here's another stark raven tribute to the queen of sexploitation, in full Ilsa mode. Can our all-time fave anti-heroine possibly survive to return again? You bet!

The True Awesome Hotness of Dyanne Thorne

Browsing the web recently and we happened across this fascinating li'l clip of a recent interview with the sexploitationally renowned megavixen herself, Dyanne Thorne AKA Ilsa the she-wolf, tigress, and no doubt a cougar these days as well.

Here's a cute scene of her signing autographs, showing that the lady has never been more popular than she is now (not to mention looking insanely hot in black leather). And a fascinating interview with her and her other half.

Still a she-wolf after all these years...

 If ya don't know who she is, then shame on ya and we suggest you stick around this site a lot more to learn a few things about the classic age of grindhouse cinema! We have a very great fondness for the lady and her notorious character here at GDDDs, as She-Wolf of the SS was one of the first grindhouse movies we ever experienced. And never looked back. (Potentially tasteless, offensive, and perverted in almost every kind of way, it ain't for wusses or the faint of heart so be warned, y'all.)

Dyanne directly inspired the character of Virginia S. Pring AKA Brenda Horne in our very own sexploitation comic Last Gas Pump on the Left.

Nieves Navarro - Emanuelle & the Last Cannibals

Ya gotta hand it to the Italians. They made exploitation 'n splatter films like nobody else on the planet, before or since. Hell, even their art movies are sick as hell (Pasolini's 120 Days, Satyricon, etc.?), and who else could possibly have come up with the 'cannibal genre', surely the acid test for any wannabe movie gorehound or splatter fan? F'sure, Ruggero Deodato holds the Big Bad Emperor crown, but we think ol' uncle Joe D'amato must've still had a lotta fun with his soft porn/cannibal crossover jungle adventure, Emanuelle & the Last Cannibals AKA Trap Them and Kill Them! (You can tell this is one of the 'bootleg' Emanuelle movies which had no association whatsoever with the Sylvia Kristel classic, since it only has one 'm' in the name).

We just love that alternative title too.  Unlike most other entries in the cannibal genre, there's no disgusting slaughter of native wildlife (we really don't dig that kinda thing - we reckon human actors can do whatever they like in front of a camera to earn their bread, but we draw the line at real killing for entertainment), so it's kind of a 'cannibal lite' effort, suitable for the novice. And any movie which features the natural redhead class of Nieves Navarro (AKA Susan Scott) in some of the hottest stuff she ever did this side of Orgasmo Nero gets our vote. Plus there's the ubiquitous Laura Gemser for y'all to gawk at too, and she always had real problems keeping her bra on at the best of times.

But this post is devoted to the awesome (and we reckon, sadly under-used) Ms Navarro in her final scene, which in its uncut form is still pretty damn harsh, despite some not-so-special effects. She might have had a silicone boob job but we don't care. Respect is due to this fine lady for having the balls to pull this one off so convincingly, and we can barely hope to do justice to her great canny-ball scream queen moment.

 

Camille Keaton - I Spit on Your Grave

Following on the occasional Gonzo Grindhouse Girls series we started with the very popular Christina Lindberg pic, we present another tribute to an iconic revenge heroine. This one should need no introduction. An' if she does then ya may well be hangin' around the wrong interwebsite or have stumbled here by accident!

We always thought Ms Keaton was tragically underused during her rather spotty film career. Although she does have a fun scene in the totally tonto zombie/kung-fu cross-genre classic Raw Force. Last time we looked that movie was free to view on Youtube but ya never know with that site, stuff appears and vanishes all the time...but anything with this classy redhead lady is worth checkin' out. So sez we all.

'Last Gas Pump' Kicks Off

'The Last Gas Pump on the Left'

Yup, finally our grindhouse comic parody series gets to see the light of day, on this very blog type thang. The first few pages are up and we'll update it whenever we can, so stay toon'd, yo'.

We apologise for the generally crappy quality of some of the frames. This is the movie that wasn't even supposed to exist, so the fact you're seeing it all is testament to something or other.

Gonzo Gear for Guys 'n Gurlz!

While you've all been sittin' back enjoyin' the WWW experience in general, Gonz and his pals have been hard at work makin' more stuff that we think is cool. Like, hot lowbrow art on T-shirts. We have a few things now for sale over at Redbubble.com, featurin' imagery an' characters that oughtta be familiar to y'all. And if they ain't- well, what are you waiting for?

First up, we present our buddy Joe Satan, Gonzo ambassador to the world o' flesh, available on a plain white t-shirt. Now you can publicly proclaim your allegiance to his cause...of rock 'n roll!

We also dig the brand new sexy horror Torture Pornstar black t-shirt-only. Lovingly desaturated just like all those Saw clones that you know and probably love but are too embarrassed to admit to...well, now you can show off your devotion to grungy splatter with this teasingly classy garment! With boobs!!

We'll be adding more stuff in the future so be sure to keep checkin' back...

Gonzo Film Reviews: Countess Perverse

The Intro Bit: If you've read this far on this very webpage, chances are that you probably know of Jess (or Jesus or Jesse) Franco. He's that lovable bumbling, yet pervy, uncle that you never had who made a career out of directing some of the wildest and sleaziest of films during the already pretty wild and sleazy times of the '70s, as well as one or two really quite good ones (Vampyros Lesbos, anyone?).

Then there's this weird flick: Countess Perverse, of which you made not have heard so much.

But now thanks to the deliriously-named Mondo Macabro, this little-known yet very juicy slice of early '70s fleshfilm is freely available in a digitally-restored cut.

The Cast: It wouldn't be a Jesus movie without his long-term muse, Lina Romay, looking wide-eyed and stark raving naked in almost every shot she's in. Howard Vernon ostensibly stars as the butch macho male lead with open denim shirt and swinging pendants in attendance, but we thought this movie belonged to the succulently delicious Alice Arno, the curvy blonde French star of Justine de Sade. Who also spends most of the film stark raving naked, in her narrow-eyed, slightly scowling and very sexy way.

The Movie: Having wasted Alice (literally) in his earlier Eugenie de Sade (Jesus had a thing about de Sade, it transpires) with a rather small role, herein Jesus lets her run the full length of the sleazathon. She's actually quite creepy in her part as the Countess who, with her fellow Count (who ought to have been a James Bond villain taking on Sean Connery), keeps a strange-looking house on an island from which few visitors ever leave. The house has some striking set design, including a grand staircase which at first sight looks like it's been built entirely from big red lego bricks. Being filmed entirely on exotic island location also helps give the film a glossy slick look, a bit like those Joe D'amato Laura Gemser horror/porn efforts that came out later in the decade, and Jesus employs some interesting and surreal camera shots to enhance the unnerving experience. As a straight horror film (with loads of sex and flesh), we've definitely seen worse.

The acting (or dubbing) is as laughable as can be expected, though no worse than most. Watching it with subtitles and the original French dub helped though, again helping to add a bit of 'world cinema'-esque class to the sleazy proceedings. The basic premise has been used before repeatedly (and since), being a reworking of the Most Dangerous Game concept where humans hunt other humans. Here, Countess Zaroff does it for food, and because she's a sportswoman in the truest sense - she can't kill in cold blood and must give her prey a chance. Which basically all leads towards the final climax of two naked women running through trees and pampus grass for ten minutes, with plenty of close-ups of Alice's fuzzy crotch (again, it wouldn't be a Jesus movie without gratuitous beaver shots and this film has more than its fair share) while stalking her prey like some modern-day Artemis or valkyrie in orange platforms.

There are some genuinely creepy moments - best among which is the long build-up to the head-sawing scene in the house, which creeps out Lina quite fatally.

 And in terms of the "Oh my freakin' Gawd, they don't make 'em like this anymore" stakes, this one ticks all the boxes although as with much of Jesus' catalogue, he doesn't handle violence, blood-letting or action too well. Some scenes suffer from the need for some judicious editing, but Uncle Jesus was never about short, sharp cinema - he was more into indulging his (and your) taste for naked women in all sorts of sleazy, scary and mind-blowingly compromising ways.

Gonzo rating:

Verdict: We loved it. One of Jesus' better flicks with a seriously sick concept. The ending is pure Greek tragedy. Awesome amounts of flesh and lesbo action. Avoid if you think all women should have full-body wax to be sexy. Otherwise, jump in head first and revel in the legacy of a long-gone era of Euro trash cinema.

NB: This was our first ever Mondo Macabro DVD purchase. It won't be the last. After viewing their trailer reel, their catalogue of movies look screamin' bat-shit crazy, if not downright hysterical. Watch this gap.

Sambo

Don't be messin' with Peckinpah, yo'. He might be dead like 30 years but he's still a hard ass mutha.

 

We salute you dude, in true hard rock style - director of the meanest and most memorable scenes of carnage ever to grace celluloid.

Meet Joe Satan

Yup, y'all know this guy. He's everywhere, and he'll be poppin' up somewhere on this very site before too long. Maybe as a special guest appearance in the Crackerz! retro lowbrow soap opera, or he might just find his way into his own series. Hell, that's where the fun of being The Devil comes in - ya never know where he'll show up next. He could be right behind you at this minute. Stay tooned 'n find out.