Hey Y'All

Friendly warning: most of this stuff is adult content. So if ya don't like it, don't look at it. No, really. We don't sniff around pages we don't like, so don't hate - just stay calm 'n carry on. Have a nice day!

Other Cool Sites We Like

Other Cool Sites We Like
Check out Andy's Free Erotic Cartoons 'n Sexy Comix!

Sunday, 12 October 2014

'Crackerz!' Gets Crunchy on Kindle

Hey kidz,

Our 'Crackerz!' Kindle eBook has found an enthusiastic reader over on Amy-zone dot com. They were cool enough to leave us a l'il review of the thing, too.

And by the way, the book is currently on free special offer...so grab a gratis copy now while you can!


Friday, 8 August 2014

Gonzo Film Reviews: Vampire Ecstasy


 Vampire Ecstasy: directed by Joe Sarno ('74)

We thought it was about time we started sharing some more of our views on the dozens of dodgy DVDs which fill up space here chez Gonz.

The star of this one is blonde sexploitation superstar Marie Forsa, probably best known for her Swedish X-rated romps like Flossie. Not surprisingly, it's fair to say that Marie gets most of the best adult scenes in this one, and she does look pretty damn fine too.


As a mid-70s Euro horror (ostensibly) about vampires, you'll come into this one armed with a checklist. And you won't be disappointed. Tune in to be guaranteed:

 - sumptious Central Europe location shooting
 - big creepy crumbly castle as the main focus for the action
 - creepy retainers of said castle "welcoming" innocent guests
 - horse-drawn transport, even though this is clearly the 1970s
 - a notorious ancestral figure who still exerts her curse
 - lots of random wandering around outside, usually at dusk or dawn, by hot young chicks in (and out of) their nightdresses.

The story is pretty basic, involving the previous occupier of the castle, Baroness Varga. She seemed to have Bathory's taste for slurping the red stuff out of any female she came upon, and through her possessed and Satanic servants, and the innocent guests who come to the castle, she hopes to return to life one day very soon.

This being Forsa, the relationships and sexual psychology are a bit more than you'd normally get in a Euroschlock Hammer Horror rip-off. Lesbian couplings and taboo brother/sister lusts all play their part here.


Marie Forsa gets cursed and is forced to masturbate herself endlessly until she does the gothic housekeeper's bidding for her in a ploy designed to disarm the hot female doctor (who in turn has the hots for her brother) of her protective garlic cross.


As far as vamp flicks go, there's very little actual seductive blood-lapping, so if it's blood and fangs you're looking for, look elsewhere. Although what you may not expect to see is a chick stripped naked by bats, and horny topless serving women in Princess Leia slave outfits chanting in German to keep the evil Baroness's spirit alive. The dubbing is pretty dire, not even of the 'so bad to be funny' variety, and is pretty drab and monotone throughout - but at least it does the job. Technically, we were a tad disappointed to see the film wasn't letterboxed and therefore the full scope of Sarno's camerawork and his locations can't be fully appreciated. But maintaining a full frame ratio didn't reduce Marie's contribution any, we're glad to report.


There's prob'ly not much more we can say about this one - we reckon Sarno is kinda' like Marmite. You either dig him or you don't, whether or not you accept his influence in the sexploitation genre. This one's slow but it's also kind of arty with it. The sexy scenes take a while to get going too, and are never as full-on (or full-frontal) as, say Franco, but for all that you're still left with the impression that you've seen something just a little more classy than you may have expected.


We give this one a generous 5. Definitely worth a look, and we reckon we'll even look at it again some time, as the film does conjure a pretty effective haunting, brooding atmosphere that may well linger in your consciousness long after the end credz.


Wednesday, 2 July 2014

4th July 'Last Gas' Gonzo Giveaway


 As a special treat for the 4th July - we're pimpin' our latest piece o' paper-free publishing as a FREE download for all Kindle freaks. So celebrate Indy-pennance Day by grabbing yer copy!

Only thru' the 4th, mind.

Get it here.

Saturday, 21 June 2014

Gonzo Gets Facebooked

Yep, we finally did it and just signed up to that social  netwhatsit everyone's been saying we should be a part of.

This is where we are. Got it?

Feel free to contribute, post, or whatever the damn hell you folks do on there. Sure we'll find out pretty soon.

Saturday, 31 May 2014

'Last Gas Pump' Quickie Freebie - Catch it While Ya Can!


Yup, to celebrate the recent launch of the re-booted 'Last Gas Pump' eBook on Kindle, we're givin' the chance to grab a copy for free - for 1 day only.

Available thru' the 1st June for psycho-loving digital downloaders everywhere.

Grab yours here!



Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Yes, Yes Y'all...Bonnie Hart is Back!

Ahoy kidz!

We got some burnin' news for y'all. Some brand new GD product has just been unleashed upon the world...and where else, but over at the big website named after a chick with one tit. Hell, we ticked all the boxes, we kept our language out of the hardcore territory which blew Ms. Hellmann's book off the Kindle digital shelves, and seem to have managed not to get our asses banned again...which, given the subject matter, could've been pretty easy (though we are a bit surprised it hasn't been classed by them as an 'adult item' - how many freakin' F-bombs do we need to drop to get that status?!)

Kept that one quiet, didn't we? Well, truth is, we only decided to kick this one off last week. And now it's out there.

What is?

The complete, unadulterated (mostly) prose edition of the very first Gonzo Dawg product we ever conceived, about 7 whole years ago. Our grindhouse splatter parody to end all grindhouse splatter parodies (well, 'til the next one comes along, at least...when is that gonna be again, Mr. Zombie?)...

The Last Gas Pump on the Left.

It started life as a comic book, on Drunkduck.com.  Then we kinda' lost it, because we just couldn't get away with drawing it the way we really wanted it to look, and after a while we started puttin' the first and only issue, page by page, up on this very blog type thang for free, because that was all there was ever gonna be.

But this past week, we found the old scribbles and decided that Bonnie Hart deserved a reboot, so we got writin' to tell her whole story, and the blood-drenched mayhem which occurs around her, and the eponymous gas pump.

So check it out. Right here, right now.

We'll continue putting those comic book pages up online now, 'cuz we kinda' forgot about that (what with everything else we've been doing lately).

Like Bonnie, Gonzo D will prevail!

Sunday, 13 April 2014

Gonzo Dawg's Doo-Dah Banned!

Oh, if only this post was as funny as the title!

No, seriously, kidz. It seems that Amazon took a dislike to the more adult aspects of Ms Hellmann's sexy stripper novel, and pulled it from sale completely - damn near killin' our whole account off in the process.

Despite the fact that their own Ts & Cs state, regarding offensive material: "What we find offensive is about what you would expect."

What?

I mean, I find stuff like child abuse offensive. You know, sick, twisted, evil shiz that shouldn't be allowed. Not descriptions of sexy stuff that adults do with each other every single freakin' minute of the day around the world.

If this is how it's gonna be, then they're gonna be very busy over at chez Amazon, pulling all those barely-legal, rape, BDSM, incest, kidnap etc titles that seem to fill up the kinky end of the erotica spectrum over there - the main reason why we recommended the KDP platform to Ms H. in the first place.

So, that was that. We've advised Ms H. to try her luck elsewhere as her book deserves it, though whether our full-colour graphic art will follow her story, is something only her future publisher can decide.

Signin' off, otherwise I'll be ranting here all freakin' week.

Saturday, 30 November 2013

'Crackerz!' 2nd Edition Featuring Snowi Hills Hits Kindle

That's right, kids...we've updated the 'Crackerz!' Amazon Kindle eBook with a whole brand-new strip - technically it's a strip-within-a-strip - featuring the eye-poppingly-endowed Miss Snowi Hills, Pinky's favourite underground comix heroine, who just can't keep her clothes on.



We're workin' on a bunch of other stuff featuring her which you'll only get to see on this very blog type thang, or in eBook form, over the next few weeks 'n months, so she's kind of an exclusive gal.


The eBook's currently on offer for free over at the Amazon place right now and for the next five days, so y'all can check it out. Eventually Snowi will end up with her own series, we reckon, so keep watchin' this spaz. Uh, space.

Monday, 12 August 2013

Check Out 'The Last Shop on the Left'!

Hey y'all,

We know stuff's been quiet hereabouts lately. We still have plenty of things on the backburner, they're just takin' a bit longer than expected to get 'em out there to ya.

In the meantime, our buddy - the mind behind the Styx Rivers 'toons you'll see upon this very blog-type-thing - has just gone an' started up his own creepy horror shop.


Yup, that's right - we thought this was so far up our alley that we just had to plug it (I'm sure there's an eye-watering innuendo in there, somewhere...) - 'cos we're like that.


And to avoid fainting, keep repeating...
it's only a shop
it's only a shop
it's only a shop
...

Sunday, 16 June 2013

Gonzo Film Reviews: Dear God No!

The Intro Bit: This recent entry in the latter-day 'grindhouse rebooted' genre came heavily recommended, with the kind of enthusiasm of a redneck biker for a blonde chick in denim shorts. So I just had to check it out 'cuz, well, it's got bikers an' chicks and splatter 'n stuff...

But is it any good?

I dunno, it's kind of bad in a good way, and good in a bad way. Does that make sense? Maybe not, but I have been drinking a lot of cheap whisky here and I strongly recommend that you do, too, if you choose to view this film - definitely not one to watch while straight, sober or in the company of minors. Or very pregnant chicks, either. Cos there's one mother of a show-stoppin' scene which kinda comes off as somewhere between that bit from Anthropophagus, and a GWAR show. And it's memorable for, if nothing else, the mean-spirited, nasty bloody way in which it's done, as if to rub it in the face of folks everywhere who would think 'Oh but they would never show you THAT...' Oh wait, they just did. You know exactly where you are within the first minutes, which features the aftermath of a very bloody rampage having been inflicted upon the carcasses of a bunch of nuns (thereby slipping in a hint of another beloved exploitation movie genre: the nunsploitation movie). That opening scene will confirm in the mind of the viewer whether or not they're willing to spend the time to get to the end of this movie, or run sobbing to their bedroom to spend the rest of the night Hailing Mary.


The Movie: Now, t'be honest, the acting and the writing ain't exactly Spielberg. But that's not what you watch a film like this for. Good acting would just be distracting, and would be against the spirit in which the movie was made in the first place.

Some movies can get away with being amateurish, pretty badly acted, low-budget, and creaky in the directing department. Just look at the original Last House on the Left. Nobody really knows what they're doing, either behind or in front of the camera - and that's why it works. It doesn't look or feel 'cinematic' and so looks real, like you've actually just unspooled some sicko's snuff film. This movie has some of that grit and grime, though it doesn't overplay the 'crappy old film stock that's been sitting in some guy's toilet since Nixon won his first term' look – a few scratchy jumpy bits in the first reel and then they leave it at that.

Speakin' of Nixon...yeah. I'm not gonna say anymore about that subject but even with prior warning, that scene was still something' of a mindf*ck, brother...a scene so utterly gonzoid and spaced-out in its concept that it's worth the price of admission (or DVD hiring/purchase) alone...


I like bikers. They get a rough ride (heh!) in movies so it's cool to see them given centre stage here. I used to be one myself, before I broke something just once too often and sold my old 650cc beast. And these are the meanest bunch you'll ever see since the Jack Nicholson classic Hells Angels on Wheels, cuz if I remember, that one used members of a real MC in the cast.


DGN! is kind of like that too. It's got good ideas. It's got a bit o' Bigfoot (Bigfoot? Yeah). The main guy is a heavyweight in his own right, and pretty much steals the show. He's a mean, sick bastard but he's kind of cool with it. I actually liked him. He reminds me of the kind of people I used to drink with about 15 years ago in rock bars, but with extra homicidal tendencies. His philosophical monologue at the end is worthy of John Rambo.


The one issue I'd take with this flick is that it's a bit slow. Not nearly as slow as the similar but less effective Run Bitch Run!, but I sometimes think that all these new-wave-exploitation guys could always do with spending a bit more time in the editing suite. Keep things shorter and keep the attention. And if someone really can't act their way out of a wet paper bag - hell, it can be funny for a while but it can also really grate. I like B movies. Also C movies, D movies, all the way up to Z minus movies. I've watched some of the worst and most undiluted bowel-splutterings the world of crazy-ass cinema has to offer, and Dear God No! is a lovable big fat addition to that worthy class of underground, underworld cinema, somewhere between the B and C rankings. Let's call it a B minus: "Pretty good effort, shows promise, could do better."


Gonzo Rating:




Verdict: I'd watch it again, so there's my bottom line: that's a hell of a lot more than I can say for most recent multi-spillion dollar Hollywood efforts of late. I hope they come good on their promise of a sequel. These guys need your support to keep turning out movies that'll have Born Again Christians vomiting blood all over the place. Peace, brother. \o/